- Hildegard Titus
“I’m five years older than Thapelo. When we were children and by ourselves, Thapelo and I would play dress up and pretend to have modelling shows. Thapelo never had to tell me who they are because I always knew, and we’ve always been close.”
Shesmida Phori is a 28-year-old nurse who grew up with her sibling Thapelo Simushi in Omaruru and then Katima Mulilo.
The eldest of three, she has always accepted her sibling, along with her younger brother but their parents are born-again Christians who have had a harder time coming to terms with Thapelo’s identity.
Shesmida shared that while their mother was more accepting of Thapelo than their father, growing up was not easy for Thapelo.
“Thapelo used to love Gal Level, and when our uncle would find him dressed up and dancing he’d get angry and try to beat the gay out of him”.
Thapelo describes themselves as being gender fluid or non-binary and is comfortable with all being pronouns.
Being non-binary means not identifying with one gender more than the other. While in Namibian society today, the gender binary might be considered the norm, there is both linguistic and cultural evidence of our indigenous precolonial cultures that show third-gendered individuals existed in Namibia, and were even revered in some cultures as spiritual leaders before the advent of colonial indoctrination through Christianity.
Regardless of how Thapelo identifies, Shesmida says she will always defend and support her sibling’s right to expression. “I honestly feel like people are taking it too far. It has nothing to do with you, if someone chooses to be who they want to be, how does that affect you? Everyone should just mind themselves and mind their business”.
The headlines around the proposed anti-LGBQTIA+ bill have created a divide in Namibia society; some welcome the proposed bill, while others worry that it sets a dangerous precedent for the country’s democracy by infringing on the constitutional rights of an already marginalised community.
The conversations and debates extend into our homes, with our families and loved ones.
Home and family are the first communities that any of us experience. From the moment we are born, we rely on our family to love, care, and protect us so that we can grow into adulthood and be well-equipped for the outside world. Being accepted or rejected by our primary caregivers and immediate household is the difference between life and death as an infant.
For members of the LGBTQIA+ community, that risk is even higher when many are not accepted by their family. Young LGBTQIA+ people are at higher risk of being kicked out of their homes, being beaten or even killed by family members who don’t accept their identity due to cultural, religious or moral beliefs.
Research in many countries, including South Africa, has shown that those who identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, or questioning (LGBTQ+) have a significantly higher risk of experiencing some form of homelessness.
A 2018 journal article from the University of Cape Town titled “Mental Health Among Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual transgender and intersex people in East and Southern Africa” found that in South Africa, 57% of members of the LGBQTIA+ showed signs of depression, 66% showed signs of anxiety, and 27% had attempted suicide in the past year. Participants who had experienced sexual violence were four times more likely to attempt suicide.
“They go through doubts. They go through emotional trauma. They try to go to church to find answers. This is how people become emotionally unavailable. It is just not nice. This is what makes them happy. This is what makes them human. All I want is equality with everyone and togetherness.”
Shesmida speaks about how exclusion harms members of the LGBTQIA+ community
Addressing politicians who have made it their mission to impose on LGBTQIA+ constitutional rights, Shesmida said “people like to quote the Bible when it comes to condemning others, but who is without sin? Let the one without sin be the first to cast the first stone. Why is it that everyone is so focused on this one sin.”
Shesmida worries that the passing of the bill will only make things worse for members of the LGBTQIA+ community, who have already seen an increase in ostracization and hate crimes in the country. “They go through doubts. They go through emotional trauma. They try to go to church to find answers. This is how people become emotionally unavailable. It is just not nice. This is what makes them happy. This is what makes them human. All I want is equality with everyone and togetherness.”
A well-known stand-up comedian who has chosen to stay anonymous shared that, “if people are both consenting adults they should be able to be with who they want and marry who they want”. He shared that he has a cousin who is a lesbian, and while not all of their elder family members understand it, they still respect her.
While the proposed anti-LGBTQIA+ bills would not allow same-sex marriages to be performed or recognized in Namibia, it would also impose a fine of up to N$100,000 or 6 years imprisonment or both to those who are trying to support or “promote” same-sex marriage. Essentially, this would leave anyone who supports their family members at risk of imprisonment as well.
“We have so many issues in the country, with education, with employment, I don’t know this bill is a top priority”.
A prominent comedian on his frustration with the focus on anti-LGBTQIA+ legislation instead of more pressing social issues.
Chapter 3 of the Namibian Constitution states that all Namibians should have the right to marry and the right to family, the right to privacy, protection from arbitrary arrest and detention, the right to freedom of thought, conscience, belief and expression. Many activists and legal experts have noted that the proposed bills are directly at odds with the constitution, and are unlikely to withstand legal challenge even if they are passed.
The comedian also noted, “we have so many issues in the country, with education, with employment, I don’t know this bill is a top priority”. He also fears for his cousin’s safety. “This has gone beyond a few things people are saying on social media, to people acting on it who are mutilating people’s bodies because of hatred”.
Since the introduction of the proposed bill, there have been 6 murders of LGBTQIA+ community members, and activists worry about an escalation of violence if the bill is passed.
While to many this proposed bill might seem insignificant as it only affects a minority of the population, it sets a dangerous precedent in limiting the fundamental rights of Namibians which threatens the pillars that this country was built on. Today it is the LGBTQIA+ community, tomorrow it could be disabled people, and the list will continue to grow.
We often speak of the Namibian house as a family. A family should be built on the love and respect of all its members, despite their differences. Refusal to acknowledge all family members will inevitably lead to a fractured home.
Image credit: Hildegard Titus
Her work focuses on issues of race, gender, and culture, and the intersection of the three with regards to power structures and legacies left by Namibia’s colonial and apartheid past.
Hildegard Titus is a freelance journalist based in Windhoek, Namibia. She has a Bachelor of Arts in Photojournalism from the University of Arts London: London College of Communication in 2014 and has worked as a journalist for the past ten years. Her work has been published in both local and international publications and media houses alike, like The Namibian, The Windhoek Observer, Agence France Press, The Washington Post, eNCA, The BBC, CNN, and many more.
